Sunday, September 12, 2010

Ramblings

I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, a blog entry from Karen?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Um, she’s alive?” Yeah, I am. How’s it going. I have a life. Life. Funny thought. It’s been pretty crazy hectic lately. But, I wanted all you readers (all, like, four of you) to know that I’m moving out of Weed. I thought it was noteworthy. I’m moving to Bend, Oregon to be the Rehab Office Coordinator at St. Charles Medical Center. I’ll also be close to Carla. And Tim and Lydia and Olivia and Caleb. Which definitely makes me happy. However, I will miss writing for the paper. But, with that said, I think it might give me a chance to pour some juices back into my creative writing. I get all ambitious, but seriously. Maybe I’ll submit some stuff to a magazine or write a book or something. You guys would read it, right? So there are four fans already. Done and done.

Okay so about my job. Audrey pretty much got it for me. She recommended me for her old position and then I interviewed and got a call the very next day. I was terrified for the interview, because that’s how I operate. I get SUPER NERVOUS for things, things that should not make people THAT nervous. But I do, I get that nervous. (Poor Carla had to shove me in the hot tub the night before in an effort to make me relax.) Then when I get into the interview, or whatever it is I’m nervous for, I’m usually pretty calm and I just swallow my fear and use my fake confidence to sail through. Anyway, so I felt super relieved after the interview was over, and I was confident I did pretty well. Then when I got the call saying I landed the job, I thought “yay!” for about two seconds before the nerves set in again. And I realized there are many, many changes lying ahead of me. And many "thoughts to think" in the next few weeks as Audrey says. Yikes! But I’m actually thinking I’ll just take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if I have to. I’m looking for a place to live in Bend. It would be pretty sweet to be able to live with Carla, but I don’t know if that’s going to actually play out. If it doesn’t, oh well, it will be nice just to be in the same town at least. And get to know her “booooooyfriend” (as JB affectionately calls him in a mocking tone) better, too.

Next, I’m really going to miss my family and JB. That pretty much nails all I want to say on that topic. It’s just really, really, really true.

I’ve been struggling a bit tonight with the real, raw, desires of my heart. I really wish I knew myself better. I want to be a wife and mom someday, but until that desire actualizes I want to be diligent and responsible and serve God. I think this job is a good way to start, so I’m praying that the Lord will bless it and guide me eventually to something I know I want to do beyond a shadow of a shadowy doubt. I want to get to a spot where I feel like, “yeah, this is it. This is where God wants me and where I want to be and it feels great.” I hope that’s not selfish, because I don’t mean it in that sense. I just want to get to a place where I’m calm and confident and can serve God without questioning if everything is “the right thing.” I want to follow His lead, and trust Him through uncertainty, knowing I can be certain about Him. That last sentence is already pretty true about me, but I want it even more!

So, change is coming – but change is good. I’m moving to Bend and starting a new life. It’s freaky scary. I’ll keep you posted. (And don’t “look at the sky” as my Italian cousin says, I really will.)

3 comments:

Jeff said...

Today is my first day at a new job in Ventura. This weekend I left Palos Verdes where I had all kinds of people I loved, whom loved me and care for me, a place I've gotten to know so well and is so familiar, a job I love with, coworkers I consider good friends. Now it's Monday morning and I'm heading to a new job with people I hardly know, in a town I know nothing about, and where I know no one. It's so exciting, so scary, so sad and so fun all at once.

Karen said...

Yeah, it's definitely a weird mix of emotions. I'm ready to move, though and I'm mostly excited about it. Congrats on your new job... what is it? I'm sure you'll adjust quickly, you're good at that. :)

Karen said...

Yeah, it's definitely a weird mix of emotions. I'm ready to move, though and I'm mostly excited about it. Congrats on your new job... what is it? I'm sure you'll adjust quickly, you're good at that. :)